I've got big feelings. I've never denied it. My momma used to tell me all the time when I was a kid how big they were. And heavens, now that I have my own kids and can see the all the big feels that come out of these little hearts... gracious. But that's another post all to itself, lately. Today is Jaxon's 6th birthday and I don't know what it is about birthdays ... I always get really sentimental and emotional about them.
Is this a mom thing? Can we not help but relive their birth?
I know as a kid (with my big bangs and big feelings) I used to love for my momma to tell me the story of how I was three weeks late and it was the hottest week of the summer...I always knew how the story went but I loved to hear it anyway. So maybe I'm a sap, I certainly used to think so, but lately I think it keeps me thankful. Because sometimes when I look back I notice small things that God did that I didn't see before, hidden gems from him like in a look and find book. Or sometimes I see things from a new perspective that I couldn't see then, simply because of what I'm learning currently.
For example, I remember when we found out that Jax would be born with a Cleft, we prayed for healing. In Utero healing. Why?- because we believe that God is capable of such a thing, nothing is impossible for him and if he was/is willing then he could and therefore we should ask him to.
But he didn't.
On April 2nd, at 12:17 (9 days late, two inductions, a forced water break and an emergency c-section) Jaxon was born just as God intended; with a full head of hair, big bright blue eyes, a cleft lip and palate, 8 lbs 2 oz and 22 1/2 inches long.
And six years later I can tell you why (this far in the journey) that he didn't chose to heal him while he tossed and turned and kicked my ribs, because he could have, I believe that with my whole heart, and its not because I or we didn't have enough faith...looking back over the past six years I can see that the reason he chose not the heal Jax and seemingly spare us from this journey was all the people that we have met along the way.
We would have missed out on people like "Our Nurse" Emily Copeland, Dr. Lisa Buckmiller (who gave him such a beautiful smile and palate!), Dr. Larry Hartzell, Lucia Gomez, and countless others who have impacted us along the way. We would have missed out on the joy of encouraging other Cleft families that the Lord has brought our way and we would have missed out on books worth of lessons which I hope to write someday. We would have missed out on that cleft foster baby because we wouldn't have been the only ones to call...
We would have missed out so much hardship that built and refined character and so much that brought unexplainable joy.
So, sometimes God doesn't ...but it's because he's got a plan. And it's typically about people.
My baby is six. All of emotional eaters, grab a fork, lets eat cake. There's lots of feels and cake to go around.
Happy Birthday Buddy!