Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Reasons and The Whys

I am thrilled to be a part of the Peekabo magazine again this month. You can read the article here.
Writing this article reminded me of a day about 5 years ago that I sat on my couch in my small living room in Russellville, blubbering on the phone to a random person. 

Lets get one thing clear. This random person was some poor sweet soul from Arkansas Children's Hospital who was taking a survey. And I was crying to her about my baby that was born with a cleft. But let's be clear about a second thing. I signed up for that survey. Because at the time, that was the most I could do. 
Can I manage to answer questions about my pregnancy and birth (bless...that's a whole 'nother story) through my sobs? Sure. Can I answer genetic questions and environmental questions? Yes. Did it help soothe my heart to answer those and know that this birth defect wasn't my fault? You can rest dang sure that it did. Did we make sceintific discoveries and preventative eurekas? I'm pretty sure not. But it helped me as a brand new, emotional, in survival mode-cleft mom feel like I was making what I was going through purposeful. 

Over the years we have done the Radioathon several times for ACH, done fundraisers for them as well as Smile Train and told our story to anyone who would listen (and maybe some who didn't...). Would I love to go on an Operation Smile trip and do press with Zachary Levi...I mean...
Should I be a spokesperson for ACH, probably...they should pay me. I'm kidding, I owe them every organ I have for what they've done for Jax and continue to do. Are there more things I could be doing to raise awareness and support for Celft organizations? I'm sure there is. Do I still occasionally have to remind myself that this was not my fault? *sigh* Yes?

But listen, I questioned God so much five years ago about why. What could possibly be the reason for having Jax's life start this way? Why...why...why. But what he showed me and has to remind me of frequently is that He is faithful. Always. and I can choose to be faithful to tell the story that he's writing. He's given us a platform to shout about his goodness even when my feelings might challenge that. So, to see my article in a magazine ( as a writer, I won't lie...I was geeking out) it gave me joy to know that even if I never know why doesn't matter because this is why. I get to tell people about my amazing superman and my even more AMAZING God. 

Everyone has a story. Some are tragic compared to ours. Some are more sparkly than ours. Some are more cookie cutter than ours. Some are more adventurous than ours. 

Here's the lesson I want to teach Jax as he grows up; its entirely possible that the WHY IS what you're doing with your story. 

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